By Dr. Shawna Jackson. On December 28, In Love. So you find yourself dating a white man or a black woman for the first time, and are wondering what to expect. At least in the United States, statistics show that interracial relationships are still a small but growing minority. As a rule it seems, most people prefer to date someone of the same skin color as theirs. In the past, interracial relationships were even legally frowned upon, but attitudes have changed considerably for the better in the past few decades.
Even glass-half-empty people will be pleasantly surprised to discover just how easily accepted their new relationship will be. This really is and not Most of the issues you will encounter will be minor and only a nuisance. In the worst case scenarios however you may experience outright racism. Ultimately, attitudes have changed for the better these past few decades and black-white relationships have become much more socially accepted, especially in the bigger cities.
White male married to black woman. We have been together since and have a 19 year-old daughter. I am not sure there were any real cultural adjustments. I dated a black girl for a little while I am a white guy and black dudes would always walk by and give me high fives and stuff, I thought it was hilarious. Never really noticed other white guys giving me any weird looks but I live in a super progressive city. My girlfriend is black, and we both live in Denver.
All we ever get is positive comments from other people: girls say we look cute together, older gentlemen hope we would stay together for 40 years, etc.. Cashiers, bank tellers, waiters and other service people will sometimes assume that the two of you are friends or acquaintances, instead of a couple. In the worst case situations, you might go through experiences similar to comedian W.
In fact, he just wanted to join his wife and her friends for breakfast. Anywhere really. We can physically be touching while talking about what to order, what to cook and so on, and we are still asked if we are together, after 3 years of marriage.
Dated a black girl on and off for a few years. Most problems we had were from black guys. Some would come right up and try to pick her up right in front of me. It always happened when there were more then one of them, of course. No solo guys ever did anything. Never had a problem with women. No woman back or white ever had anything bad to say. Old white women were always the nicest, tell us what a nice couple we were. Older black women were a close second with the compliments. There has been the opposite though, awkwardly over-the-top well-meaning attempts to make sure we know they accept us.
One time specifically, a black woman basically called me a race traitor for having a white boyfriend. My ex boyfriend was white and I am a black female. He was also 8 years older than me. I notice a lot of people assume any white man over 30 that is well groomed and fit is loaded. It is hilarious. White women hitting on him in front of my face when it was clear by our body language that we were together.
They would pretend like they somehow did not notice him hugging me or us dancing or something. It was almost like they were testing me, or trying to show some sort of superiority over me in an open social setting. It was very strange. Discrimination against black people can take many different shapes, at varying levels of intensity.
There are the obvious ones like slurs and insults. The constant monitoring while in a store. Nervous glances. Depending on their life experiences, some whites may not have witnessed any real-life racism at all. Because of this, a white guy that dates a black woman will likely experience a learning process when it comes to racial discrimination and the many forms it takes.
I am a black woman married to a Korean man. When we go out to eat we get our leftover food in separate bags and they try to give us separate checks. Because you know, whites are always rich. Not sure if prejudiced or sexiest. Usually only happens if we are just standing next to each other, and not really talking.
If we are talking they assume we work together. The stares. We might as well be martians. People openly gawk. One time when I went to go test drive a Cadillac, I told the salesperson what I was looking for and he went off to find the car.
It took him a really long time for him to locate the model of vehicle I wanted over half an hour , so I popped my head in the office to tell him, never mind. He then asked me for my social security number. Never had I had someone ask me for my SSN when trying to test drive a car. To each other, I am just his wife, and he is just my husband. Nothing more, nothing less. However, as a black girl — white guy couple, you will find some strangers throwing side eyes, glances and stares in your general direction. Many will be out of curiosity. While interracial relationships have become a lot more frequent, black women — white men relationships are still quite rare and out of the ordinary.
Unfortunately, there will also be times when unfriendly individuals will throw eye-arrows instead of curious glances and stares. Some people might sneer and gossip when out of earshot. But it will likely be part of your reality, even if it happens rarely. Be prepared for it. At this rate, it is almost certain that in a few years 1 in 5 newlywedded couples will be mixed race. While this graph counts marriages instead of dating couples, it does show that even now black women — white man couples can be pretty rare and not something most people are used to seeing.
In fact, according to the same study, Black wife — White husband is the second least likely racial pairing to divorce at the 10 year mark. Below is the table that shows the data. Numbers above 1 means that an interracial couple has a higher chance of divorce compared to White only couples.
For instance, a marriage of Asian husband — White wife has a 1. Numbers below 1 means that a couple has a smaller likelihood of divorce compared to White only couples. H ispanic White only couples have a 0. To a certain degree almost everybody does it.
Because AAVE is looked down upon, blacks in particular code-switch heavily to protect their professional lives or blend into social groups. Depending on your circumstances, code switching can range from a non-existent problem to a big relationship issue. As such, it deserves a mention and is something to at least think about.
This particular family is a case in point. Some children strongly resemble the father, while the others favor the mother. Raising a multiracial child can have some challenges of its own , regarding their identity, heritage and how to navigate the world as multiracial individuals. However, one problem you may not expect to have is explaining to people that yes, you are the parent of your own child.
Again, while kids are likely to be sometime away, their appearance, upbringing and other similar issues should be something to take into account. From my professional experience, skin color has almost no relevance to the quality of a relationship. In the end, the ingredients for a healthy relationships are the same regardless of race: trust, respect, making an effort for one another, kindness, loyalty, teamwork.
This article is a guest article by Shawna Jackson, a certified psychologist and relationship with years of experience in relationship counseling.
Hasty Reader Book summaries, lifehacks, tips and psychology. Home About Contact. Source Most of the issues you will encounter will be minor and only a nuisance. My mother-in-law finds fault with virtually anything but that does not seem cultural though. ANONYMOUS People might believe you are friends or strangers, not a couple Cashiers, bank tellers, waiters and other service people will sometimes assume that the two of you are friends or acquaintances, instead of a couple.
I could go on and on. In other words, interracial relationships are becoming the new normal.